Who does not know a man or a woman, a family or even a whole society broken up by mutual anger and lack of forgiveness?
It does not take much to build up fires of anger. It may begin with a small misunderstanding – an inconsiderate word, a thoughtless act, a momentary surfacing of greed or selfishness… and that one, insignificant item is picked up by the Evil one and, like a black, poisonous thread, spun carefully, to be woven into tapestry of hatred. It does not have to be a Lady Macbethan feeling, nothing murderous in physical sense – yet just as deadly. Smouldering fires burn forests just as well as bolts of lightening do.
A woman I had known based her life – long deep dislike of her sister-in-law on the fact that during one family visit (they lived in distant cities) that lady put her children into bed with hers. Nothing wrong with it, alas, the host’s kids were, as it appeared, down with chicken pox. Soon the guest’s children were showing spots, too. Both sets of kids recovered from the chicken pox within two weeks but the family feud which had begun that night, kept growing, fed with increasingly silly accusations… Within short time all family visits were suspended or carefully avoided, small cousins separated for the next thirty years, never allowed to bond and become true family. When finally they met – as adults – they did try to pick up the broken thread of family connectedness but it did not work. They had no shared memories, nothing to go back to.
There is no greater sin than to poison young hearts, instill our own petty grievances into them, push them apart. Divorced parents do it to their children as a matter of fact almost. “If I hate you, let her/him hate you, too”. I have met a young woman fed with such hatred of her father that she not only refused to see him – she also cut his face out from all family photographs. She was led to believe that he had abandoned the family although the truth was completely different. By the time, however, when she learned the truth, she herself was unable to accept it. She is over 40 now and still full of that hate. Her own family fell apart because she had been taught how to hate – but not how to love and definitely, how to forgive, make up, console and allow herself to be consoled. Unable to forgive even the smallest, trivial mistakes, and unable to ask forgiveness herself, she was on the collision course with life – and still is.
We all know these profoundly sad stories… broken families, twisted hearts, grudges held for lifetime. We live such short lives, yet we waste them with such abandon… God knows many, many more of these stories… in fact, all of them – and He weeps. Is it a wonder that Jesus asks us to turn the other cheek, give up both the tunic and the cloak? Give up everything in defence of love? How much better it would have been to be smacked on the face and then… when the dark moment passes – maybe be even embraced? Or at least –to stop the wave of hatred? Isn’t it better to allow the quick flame of hatred – and hatred is never wise, it is always stupid – shoot up for a moment, scorch us maybe – and then die for the luck of fuel?